Trying to Find Me

Have you ever felt like you lost a part of yourself somewhere and you aren't sure how to get it back? That's how I've been feeling for the past few months.

The past year has been really rough for me. I own a house from my divorce but didn't want to live there, too many memories, so I rented it out to a family member. He moved out last July with no notice and completely destroyed the place. I've had to work really hard and spend a LOT of money to get it ready to sell. This happened and, at the same time, my boyfriend was out of work and I discovered that someone had stolen my identity and tried to destroy my credit. I've been trying to get that all ironed out which is so very stressful.

Somewhere in all this, I feel like I've lost my joy and I don't know how to get it back. I finally have an offer on the house for sale, it just covers the $20,000 dollars that I spent repairing it, so I should be happy, right? For some reason, I just can't seem to capture that fun loving spirit that I used to have.

I am not typically a person that complains and I always used to look on the bright side of things, but I just feel so tired, you know? It's hard to muster up the energy to give a sh** about anything. And to top it off, I feel guilty because I know I'm not the person that I used to be and my wonderful boyfriend is having to put up with this whiny, irritated beast that he lives with now. I guess in time I'll get back to the old me but right now, it sure feels like that's a million light years away.