Life's Ups and Downs

Friday, July 29, 2005

Proclamation of Irritation

To the person driving the little blue car with the red door and the TCU bumper stickers ... GET THE F*CK OUT OF THE WAY!!!

Any sane person knows that you do not drive 50 MPH in the fast lane during rush hour traffic from Dallas to Ft. Worth, ESPECIALLY on a Friday! People have had long weeks and want to get home.

They do NOT want to slam on their brakes to avoid hitting your turtle ass and swerve into the next lane, dodging oncoming traffic to get around you!

My car is a '96. If I see you on the road next week doing this again, I WILL MOVE YOU! I do not care. My car is old and I want a new one. I will ram you repeatedly until you get the point and move to the slow lane where you belong!

Nobody cares that you are a supposedly "safe" driver and never speed. We do, however, care that you backed up traffic for 10 miles on I-30! We do care that your miserly speed added another 30 minutes to a commute that is already over an hour long. We do care that our faces are permanently scarred from the veins bulging out in our foreheads. And lastly, we do care that you put us in a pissy mood to start the weekend.

LEARN TO DRIVE!! TAKE DEFENSIVE DRIVING!! Heck, take the bus for all I care ... just GET OUT OF MY WAY!!

For the rest of you ... have a fantastic and safe weekend. I am hitting the little pub up the street again tonight. Geez, I sound like an alcholic! Let's hope there are no more shopping cart incidents this week!

Tuesday, July 26, 2005

Cabo Pictures

Here are some Cabo pictures. The last one doesn't quite show the degree of redness that we achieved ... it's a little dark ... but we were seriously LOBSTERIZED!!

Ooo lah lah!

My boy is so pretty! It isn't fair when you are dating someone prettier than you ... sigh.

Pizza is always welcome!

A drink is always handy!

This is what happens when you don't wear sunscreen.

Sunday, July 24, 2005

A Little Person, a Pirate, and a Diabetic

Girl's night out was a totally weird evening ... fun, but totally and completely weird! There were only three of us this time M, S, and me. I knew the evening was off to an interesting start when S said, "A blond, a brunette, and a redhead walk into a bar. Hey! We're the beginning of a dirty joke!" And then crazy stuff just started happening.

We walked into the first establishment of the evening and immediately saw a little person. Now that is not crazy, nor weird, but after about an hour he came to our table and sat his drink down. He was trashed ... completely and totally three sheets to the wind, could barely stand up, in fact. Typically on girl's night, my friends and I are very ... how is the polite way to say this ... unfriendly to gentlemen that approach us. We are there to have a good time together, to catch up, to laugh and dance, and basically bond in the way that only good female friends can. We don't want to be bothered with cheesy pick up lines and we aren't polite about letting encroachers know that.

Anyway, this guy was so drunk that we felt bad for him. He was there alone and asked if he could talk to us for a bit until his friend got there so we said sure. When he opened his mouth, I noticed that he was missing his 2 front teeth and the rest of them were covered in some horrible slimy looking stuff. Now, I am a total teeth freak and brush mine about 6 times a day. One thing I have a hard time looking at are gnarly teeth and the slime ... don't get me started. So, when I saw his teeth, I could hardly look at him and gave him S's name. He leaned across me to shake her hand and, I kid you not, told her that he would LOVE to go home with her that night! All right, you're done ... you are outta here. S tried to take her hand back but he wouldn't let go. She finally jerked her hand out of his grasp and his arm immediately became glued to my err ... umm ... girls! I jerked back and his arm followed. He was pissing me off so I shoved his arm and he fell down. He picked himself up and walked out the door.

As if beating up a little person wasn't Twilight Zone enough for the evening, the next thing I saw was a pirate walking in the door. No joke, a guy in a full fledged pirate outfit, complete with red tricorn hat and long curly black wig. I have no idea why he was dressed as a pirate, nor do I care, but the fact that I had beaten up a little person and then saw a pirate was enough to decide we should head to another establishment for the evening.

We headed to another place, thinking we would dance and have a typical girl's night for the rest of the evening. Ohhhhhh no! The first thing we saw in this place was a man stumbling and crashing to the ground taking the shot girl with him. The cops came over and began questioning him. He seemed sober. The paramedics arrived in a big fire truck and started talking to him. It turned out he was diabetic or hypoglycemic, something like that, and needed food.

So after hearing this, we decided we were hungry and would get a bite to eat and head home, making it the earliest closing of a girl's night ever. We walked into a restaurant and after sitting there for 20 minutes, we flagged someone down and asked who our server was. This very snarly woman came over and we ordered food and Diet Cokes. After another 20 minutes, we were still waiting for our drinks and I was salivating over a hamburger that a guy at the bar is eating and I started trying to subliminally (sp) get him to offer us his food. "Hamburger boy, that's right, I'm talking to you. You want to share your burger. Just throw us some fries! We're fine with that." Needless to say, it didn't work. I think he heard me chanting and M and S laughing but he just ignored us ... sigh.

Finally, we got our drinks. After another 20 minutes, we noticed an older couple in a booth and the woman was so trashed that she was propping her head in her hands and falling over. I, of course, decided that I must meet them. (Let me just say that I think the hunger was affecting my brain!) I walked to their booth and sat down and started talking to them. M and S just stared at us wondering what the heck I was doing. I saw our waitress bring our food so I excused myself, told them they were a lovely couple and to get home safe, and headed back to our table. Not 5 minutes later, the guy walked over and sat with us.

He said that he was really touched that I would take the time to introduce myself to he and his girlfriend and that no one has ever told them they were a lovely couple before. I jokingly said, "You are a lovely couple but don't get any weird ideas." He said, "What?" and looked really odd. S said, "OMG! You came over here hoping to get a threesome." He said, "Actually a fivesome." ... and he wasn't joking!

Then I just got irritated. All I wanted was a fun girl's night with a couple of smart and funny women ... and what I got was a no-tooth, leacherous little person, a pirate, a diabetic, a horrible waitress, a deaf hamburger boy, and a freak. Basically, a circus! When I get irritated, I get smarmy and sarcastic. Not a good thing to be when you're hungry!

I began giving this guy the worst time he has probably ever had in his life and M and S jumped in. I told him that S's name was Beatrice and she was a giant floozy that had slept with over 100 men and that she would probably jump at the chance to go home with him and his girl but she was waiting on the results of her latest genital warts outbreak to subside. S just looked at me and said, "Beatrice! My name is Beatrice?!" M said, "Hey B, when will you be good to go again? You could get their number."

Then I introduced M as Nelle and let our uninvited pervert know that she had a 6 month old to support, had lost her job, and was looking for a sugar daddy to support them. M agreed that it was really hard being a single mother but that her baby's daddy would be out of prison soon so she only needed someone for a few months. Then I said that I would definitely go home with them but that my typical rate was $3500 an hour and I didn't accept personal checks. (Is that too high?) He began hemming and hawing and finally left our table after S began listing the various STDs that she had contracted in her many encounters with men. He and his girlfriend left the restaurant quickly after that.

And that was our girl's night! Sorry for the length but the night was just too strange to not share all the details!

Saturday, July 23, 2005

A Shopping Cart Story

I got home from work yesterday and there are a couple of water department trucks down the block with a huge hole in the ground. When I came inside, yep ... no water. Of course, when the water isn't working, I am feeling like I have to have a drink of water or I will just die. The water finally came back on everywhere in my house except the kitchen. Nice ... I can't do the dishes and that's just lovely.

You may be wondering what this picture is ... well, let me fill you in on the rest of my night after learning I had no water in my kitchen. I didn't want to sit here so I grabbed my boy (that's him but not the greatest shot in the world), called a couple girlfriends, and headed to this cute little pub just up the road.

We proceeded drink a little, all right ... a lot (vodka and WATER for me), and began talking about the parties that my best friend has. Well, she always passes out hundreds of jello shots and we decided she needed a shopping cart to carry them around the back yard. Seeing as how all the crackheads that live a few blocks from us are always stealing shopping carts from the grocery store, we were positive that finding one wouldn't be an issue.

Fast forward to 2 a.m. after leaving the pub ... we are turning onto my block and low and behold there is a shopping cart just sitting there ... begging us to take it! My boy jumps out of the car, grabs it, and begins running across the street ... RIGHT IN FRONT OF A COP!! The cop pulls him over as my girlfriends and I drive by. At this point, we are laughing hysterically but I am also freaking out and begging my sober driving friend to turn around and talk the cop into letting us take my boy home instead of taking him to jail.

In the meantime, my boy is talking to the cop and, according to him, it went something like this:

Cop - What are you doing, son?
Boy - Running down the street with a shopping cart.
Cop - I see that but why?
Boy - Because it's 2 in the morning, I'm drunk, and it seemed like a good idea.
Cop - This isn't the best neighborhood to be out in at 2 in the morning. Do you live around here?
Boy - Yep, 3 houses down there.
Cop - Leave the shopping cart, go home, and go to bed.
Boy - Are you sure I have to leave the shopping cart?
Cop - Are you sure you want to go home and not to jail?
Boy - I'm going. Have a good night, sir.

So, the cop leaves and my boy grabs the shopping cart and runs down the street to our house, losing one flip flop on the way. And then we took this picture. The shopping cart is now in my garage awaiting an extreme make-over before being delivered to my friend's house for her next party.

Anybody got any good ideas for an overhaul? I think we need to add big handlebars and paint it a shiny pink.

Sorry for the long post but I had to share that story. Tonight is girl's night out. Let's hope it goes a little more uneventfully!!

Tuesday, July 19, 2005

It Wasn't My Intention

I love to read ... no secret ... love books ... LOVE books!! Well, I got the new Harry Potter and read it in one sitting. For those of you that think these stories are just for the young 'uns, you are dead wrong. They are wonderful stories, completely imaginative, and absolutely fabulous!!

It's been 2 years since the last one came out so I was a little confused on some of the characters, details, etc. (I never said I had a great memory!) I went to my bookshelf to find the first five of the series and came up with 2 of them. I began pulling boxes of books out of my closet like a crazy woman. For those of you that know me, (James, this is you) you know that I am a complete pack rat. Can someone explain to me why I still have the mums from high school homecomings when I graduated 15 years ago? Please tell me WHY!

Anyway, to get to the boxes of "keeper" books, I had to empty almost the entire closet. There is stuff everywhere in my office ... every surface is covered and you can barely get it the room. I never found the 3rd and 4th books in the series although I did find the 5th so I am completely bummed with no idea where they could be. I may have donated them to the Salvation Army, with the multitude of books that I gave them, this is a distinct possibility. I don't know. I just know that now I am stuck with this HUGE mess to clean up and I don't want to do it. I'm thinking about just tossing everything out. This is the "big trash" pick up week so everything would just be gone! Ahhh ... np resorting and packing to do! Do you think I will miss the mums in 6 months?

Monday, July 18, 2005

Back in the Saddle Again!

Sorry for the moaning. I was having a very bad week and it just got to me. I'm trying to be a happy camper this week. Here are a few things I'm proud of:

I didn't flip off the ugly guy in the huge truck that cut me off driving in rush hour traffic from Ft. Worth to Dallas for work today.

I didn't run over the pan handler on the corner when I went to fill up my car with gas at lunch ... even though he was wearing brand new boots and had a freshly made sign that looked professionaly done.

I didn't tell my mother to shut up when she called to lecture me about skipping my cousin's baby shower ... and I only raised my voice a little when I told her that I had absolutely no plans to have a baby regardless of whether or not she would raise it for me.

I didn't tell my co-worker that I was pretty sure he was going to end up in a loony bin when he commenced telling me the 1,572nd cat story of this year.

I didn't tell my brother's wife that she needed to be muzzled when she started whining about the lack of attention my brother was giving her on HIS birthday.

And the thing I am most proud of today is that I did tell my boss that I was unhappy in my job and have started looking for something new. Imagine my surprise when he told me that he was hoping to be out of there by Thanksgiving and would be recruiting me wherever he went. Not too shabby!

Friday, July 15, 2005

Sorry, things just suck.

I know it's been a while and I apologize. Things have really sucked lately ... and I mean really, really sucked.

I know I've asked this before but why is it that I have brief moments of goodness and then life sucker punches me or the people I love? Seriously, is it just me or does this happen to everyone?

My boy's grandfather passed away last weekend. Right after that, my mother called to tell me that my great-uncle passed away as well. The next day we got a call from my boy's father telling him that his step-mother was in serious car accident. Thank goodness she is fine but her car is totalled and she'll be extremely sore for a while.

I honestly don't understand what the heck is going on in my life. My boy and I have been through so much crap in the past couple of years. Between him losing his job, the mess with my uncle and my rental house, and the bullshi*t that "friends" and family have pulled, I am ready to pack it in, move to the woods somewhere, and start my manifesto.

I am so stressed out constantly that I don't even remember what it would feel like to have a solid 2 months of nothing but normal. I seriously think I could lose it soon. I am having moments of temper with my boy and I hate that but I can't seem to stop myself from being snappish, my sex drive is non-existent at this point, I can't muster up the energy to do anything, and, as you can see, I'm incredibly whiny.

Does anyone have any suggestions on how to pull yourself out of a funk? Is it just a matter of looking at the glass half full? I just don't know anymore. I feel like I'm being punished and I don't think this is how life is supposed to be ... or maybe it is and I'm just too stupid to realize it.

Thursday, July 07, 2005

Home Again

We had a great time in Cabo even though it was a mini-trip. We met one couple that tried to pick us up and that was a little weird. They were a lot older than my boy and I and just wouldn't quit. I think they finally got the picture and left us alone when every time the husband would come near me, I'd trade places with my boy. It was musical chairs in the pool bar!

We did meet a nice couple that lives about 30 minutes from here so we promised to keep in touch but you know how that goes. We'll probably talk to them once and that will be that.

I made the mistake of thinking that I didn't need sunscreen on our last day ... BIG mistake. I'm peeling on my face now and look like I have some sort of weird disease. Oh well ... you live and learn!

I've got to pay bills now but wanted to check in and say hi ... HI! I'll post again soon. Have a great night!