Tech Boy ... Could it be Rehab?

Tech boy has been missing from the office for quite some time now and nobody is talking. Could it be rehab or could it be physical therapy due to an unfortunate piercing issue? I'm going with the piercing.

Put It There ... No, I'm NOT Kidding

The only interesting thing that I did today was put an inbox sign on my trash can and place it outside my hellish little cubicle. I think my work surroundings are starting to melt my brain. I swear, I can feel the stupidity building inside me. Pretty soon, all I will be doing is drooling and blinking owlishly at all my hated co-workers. Somebody save me. Please!!

Happy Monday!

Please, Poke the Waiter

I went to lunch with a couple of girls and the manager seated us and asked if we would mind giving our waiter a hard time. Kind of a strange request but as long as he could assure us that the waiter wouldn't spit in our food, we were in. The manager said he would also give us each a milkshake. Cool, we got to irritate someone for no reason and a free peanut butter/chocolate milkshake. You can't go wrong on that deal!

Our waiter came to the table for our drink orders and the fun began. My specialty is sarcasm so I immediately began spouting rudeness for no apparent reason. One of the other girls is a major flirt so she went way over the top with the darlins and sweeties and actually made the waiter blush with some pretty outrageous flirting, and the 3rd girl just sat there and giggled.

The manager came back to our table and said our free milkshakes were in danger because the waiter hadn't said anything to him about us yet so we had to step it up a notch. When the waiter came back to take our food order, I ordered a burger and he asked if I wanted the special bun. Are you kidding me? He just handed our milkshakes to us on a silve platter!!

As loudly as I could, so all the surrounding patrons could hear, I said, "Honey, I appreciate the offer of your special buns but I've got some nice ones waiting for me at home." He began stammering that he didn't mean it that way and the flirt at our table jumped in and said she'd like to see his special buns and made him turn around so she could inspect them. The poor boy didn't know what to do so he quickly took our orders and ran away from our table.

We got our free milkshakes.

I think we scared the waiter though because he sent someone else to our table with the check and never came back! We did make the manager bring him over so we could tell the waiter how much fun we had and we gave him a huge tip so all is well.

Happy week to you!

Dating Horror Stories

My girlfriends and I were talking recently and the subject of men came up, as they always seem to, so we began sharing our past dating horror stories. Since I have nothing else to write about today, I thought I'd share one of mine. Awful at the time but it makes me laugh now.

After my divorce, I went on a dating spree. I'd been with the same man from the ages of 19-28. Dating was not really something that I got to experience because I met my husband so young. Cute men, geeky men, funny men, smart men, I dated them all. I was a woman on a mission.

One night, I met this very funny, charming, and attractive guy and he asked me out. We decided to meet for drinks on a Friday night. (Never, ever let someone pick you up at home unless you know and trust them ... my words of wisdom for the day.) Anyway, we were having a great time. The conversation was flowing , we were laughing, getting along like a house on fire.

I ran to the restroom but when I came back, I couldn't find him. I searched the entire place and finally spied him in a corner, cuddling up with some other woman. And let me just say, it was obvious that they were more than friends catching up. Quite frankly, I could care less if he were hooking up with 100 different woman, but it's in pretty bad taste to do it while you're on a date with someone else.

Feeling a little humiliated and a lot ticked off, not a good combo for any woman, I decided to leave but realized that he NEEDED to be punished for his lack of judgement and stupidity. He had opened a tab at the bar for us so I marched up and ordered a round of drinks for everyone sitting there ... ON HIM! There were quite a few people and quite a few drinks involved but I refused to feel bad. After everyone got their drinks, I left.

Believe it or not, he actually called and apologized and gave me props for my revenge. Kinda makes you wonder what other women have done to him in the past.

Anyway, that's one of my horror dating stories. Believe me there are plenty more. Anyone else care to join in?

Sunday Funday

What a fantastic and perfect day!! Men reading this, you probably won't get it but all the women out in blogland will totally feel this, I'm sure.

My boy left for work before I got up so I slept in and woke to a quiet house. Ahhhh bliss. I grabbed a diet coke and sat down on the couch for a Sex and the City dvd-a-thon. My boy hates that show but I love it and it was nice to watch episode after episode with no eye rolling or asking when I'd be done. Around noon, I took a nap and sprawled out, with the whole bed to myself. Ater a FABULOUS 2 hour nap, I got a pedicure. An hour of soaking and massaging and painting of the toenails later and my feet were in heaven. I headed next door to the nail salon and entered Ulta, a mecca of lip glosses, make-up brushes, and hair products. I am a total sucker for packaging and ended up with some new papaya shampoo and a ton of sweet smelling hair products and cute little lipsticks that will get used once and stashed in the bottom of my purse or the back on the medicine cabinet. I'm not really a girly-girl but every once in a while, it's nice to try.

When I finished my little shopping spree, I headed to Papa John's and got a pepperoni pizza with garlic dipping sauce. YUM!! As soon as I finish writing this, I am back out to the couch to watch a little more of my show and read my book. My boy won't be home until around 10 so I still have a few hours of me time to go. Just had to share my wonderful day!

Happy Sunday!

1 More freaking Day

I was right. This has been the longest week. I am so ready for tomorrow to be over. No big plans this weekend. My boy is working so I have the house all to myself. I have the new Diana Gaubaldon book that I've been holding onto, so I think I am going to dive into that and maybe get a pedicure. Or maybe I'll skip the pedi and stay in my pjs all weekend long, never leaving the house. That actually doesn't sound too bad. A little gross, but actually quite appealing.

Sorry for the boring post.

Happy Thursday!

The Mother Murder

This is what I looked like after getting off the phone with my mother a few minutes ago. Here's the conversation that led me to planning her most painful murder.

A - Called to tell you about my anniversary.
M - That's sounds great, honey. So, 3 years? Isn't it about time to get married and start a family.
A - We have no plans of doing either right now, mom.
M - But you'd have such a beautiful little girl and I have a name picked out for you.
A - What? How can you have a name picked out for my child that hasn't even been conceived?
M - Well, blah blah blah ramble ramble ramble.
At this point, I completely tuned her out until she said, "I guess the next time I come over I'm going to have to hide your birth control.
A - Mother, you stay away from my birth control and besides, I use so much birth control, you'd never find it all. (Can we say paranoid about getting pg? If I ended up pregnant, it would be a freaking miracle child, almost a second coming considering the lengths I go to so I can avoid getting pregnant.)
M - Now Angie, I hate being called Angie, you aren't getting any younger blah blah blah more rambling.

I finally had to get off the phone because I could feel my blood pressure rising. If I could have reached through the phone and ripped her tongue out of her mouth with a pair of needle-nose pliers, I would have done it. Why is it that mothers can drive daughters so completely insane? I love her to death and would throw myself in front of a bus for her, but my goodness, she freaking drives me CRAZY!!

Happy Wednesday!

Just Zap Em All!!!

Today was a little bit better than yesterday but I still think carrying a stun gun into my workplace should be allowed. Some people just shouldn't speak. You know how some countries have mandatory birth control to stop overcrowding? Well, I think my job should have mandatory muzzling for those unfortunate people that don't know when to shut the heck up and stop irritating me. Enough said on that.

I need help! My girlfriend throws an annual "Best Little Whorehouse in Texas" Halloween party and I can't come up with a costume. You get the theme, I'm sure. Costumes range from the really over the top crazy stuff to your standard '70's pimps and ho's.
The first year I went as a dominatrix and my boy was a REALLY ugly Catholic schoolgirl.


Last year, my boy was a greasy pimp and I was his crack whore. This year, he wants to go as one of the porn stars from Boogie Nights but there is no way I'm going to be Roller Girl. Quite frankly, the thought of jello shots, roller skates, and a swimming pool terrify me.

I was thinking maybe a naughty girlscout from troop 69 but it just doesn't seem too original. Any ideas. I have 2 weeks to come up with something fabulous. Help!!

Fall Fever

Finally! The weather is starting to cool off here in good 'ole Texas and I've found that I have major, MAJOR fall fever. It's hard to get out of bed when the sun isn't up and it's hard to get to work on time when you hit snooze 7 times. My boy had to push me out of bed this morning and he paid for it, big time. I am not a morning person and being shoved out of bed because I wouldn't wake up really put me in a not so pleasant frame of mind.

I was so close to calling in today but decided to be an adult and go in. Wish I hadn't. It was a long day and every person in my office stepped on my last nerve, grinding it into oblivion! I am ready for a week long stint of doing nothing but sitting on my bootie and that isn't coming until Christmas. Erghhhhhh .... maybe I should go to one of the college bars around here and make fun of the young 'uns. Yes, I'm feeling that immature and irritated today.

Hope you had a good start to what is probably going to be a looooong week. Happy Monday!

Fun! Fun! Fun!

Last night was Wicked and the girls and I ran around the fair for a couple of hours waiting for show time. We saw a sign for Chicken Hats and had to take a look. I ended up buying a parrot hat because it will be fabulous floating down the river. This is a picture of me and the sales guy having what would have been a "cock fight" had I bought the rooster hat. I wore my new parrot hat into the theater and got some very strange looks but a very old grandmother just thought it was the cutest thing. She was really sweet.

The 3 year celebration was Wednesday night. My boy got some champaigne, yummy, and we toasted before we headed out to Reunion Tower for drinks. Very, very cool. Next up was my favorite dining establishment, Simply Fondue, for a fantastic meal. We had a super cool waiter and he even brought out a couple glasses of champaigne and some marshmellows with candles to mark our anniversary. My boy gave me a beautiful pair of diamond ear rings which was completely unexpected and just made my night.

All in all, it's been a great week. Hope yours was good as well. Happy Weekend!

Trauma Tuesday

It's Tuesday and the week is going by sooooo slowly. I won't be posting tomorrow. My boy and I are celebrating 3 years and he's planned a nice evening out somewhere. He won't give me any details but did ask if I could go in late on Thursday. Hmmm .... I don't know if I should be afraid. As for the 3 year mark, I don't know which one of us is more surprised that we made it this long. Neither one of us wanted a relationship when we met but I guess the planets were aligned or something because here we are.

So, Tuesday trauma. Here are a few things that happened today.

I wore shoes that were a little bit too high and fell on my bootie walking into a meeting. Yep, skirt up around my head, folders flying through the air, and diet coke all over my white sweater. I felt like a princess.

Lazy co-worker told me the 1575 cat story of the year. If only my mechanical pencil could reach my ear drums, it would save me so much heartache.

Lazy co-worker also shared story of "intestinal distress," using such words as bowels, gassy, and liquid. In the middle of this conversation, I swear I almost threw up.

Tech boy told me all about his internet date. Apparently, they met on E-harmony after he filled out the 126 points of compatibility questionaire or something like that. They went to a ball game and had a great time. He really feels like they made a great connection. Do you think he told her about the willy jewelry? Things that make you go hmmmm.

And finally, I didn't want to work today so I surfed the net and found these items:

Moon boots - $129.00 - Weren't they like $15 when I was a kid?
T-Shirt with Willie Nelson's face on it and the slogan. "Have a Willie good day!" - I have to buy this.
T-Shirt with the slogan, "Reading is Sexy." - That's what I'm talking about.
Maddox Mission site - Some guy reviews kids' artwork. Wrong on so many levels but really, really funny.

Sorry for the long post but I'm not posting tomorrow, as I mentioned, and I doubt I will Thursday. The girls and I are going to see Wicked. I LOVE musical theater!!

Happy Tuesday!

Tech Boy and His Midlife Crisis

Tech boy has lost his d*mn mind!!

He grabbed me in the breakroom today and I had to take a step back. I don't know if I mentioned that tech boy has been going to the tanning bed. Well, he has overdone it just a bit. Normally, tech boy has really pale skin and I think a smattering of freckles with a blondish, reddish hair color. I'm guessing Irish?

Now, he is that overcooked, horrible red/brown/orange color and he's spiked his barely there hair in the middle of his head. He also got his ear pierced this weekend (what is it with this guy and piercings?) and started a tattoo on his arm. What is the tattoo of, you ask? Well, I thought it looked like a piece of sushi but he says that it is going to be his surfboard. right now there is a black and red border with blank skin in the middle, hence the sushi mistake.

Before I let tech boy begin the 15 chapter excerpt of his weekend, I got my poptart and skeedaddled back to my desk. Apparently, though, the cheater is refusing to go to marriage counseling, is asking him for money, and he's starting to think that he doesn't want her back. He had an internet blind date this weekend. I may have to hunt him down tomorrow just to hear the details of that!!

Hope everyone had a happy weekend. Sorry for the kind of blah posts lately. My creativity seems to have taken a vacation. I'll try to do better and be a little more interesting this week!